Musical Mints
by xwhats3rnam3x
Summary: A Camp Green Lake genius invents mints that make people sing. What songs will our favorite juvenile delinquents sing? And will they discover something about themselves-in song?
1. R E S P E C T

**Author's Notes: **Yay! Okay, I saw some stories similar to this in the Harry Potter section. I thought it would be cool for Holes. And it's one of the few Holes stories without girls or about Squid's troubled past. Some of them are well written and everything, but...it gets old. Stanley and Zero are at CGL, but they never run away. I wanted Twitch but then you can't have Zero. And God knows we can't not hyave Zero )

**Title: **Musical Mints

**Rating: **We'll go with PG; I'll bump it up if I have to.

**Summary: **A Camp Green Lake genius invents mints that make people sing. What songs will our favorite juvenile delinquents sing? And will they discover something about themselves-in song?

**Chapter One- R E S P E C T**

----

"Word is we've got new meat coming," X-Ray told D-tent. They had just gotten up and were grabbing their breakfast and shovels.

"C-Tent, right? That Marshmallow Kid got sent home, right?" Armpit asked, biting into his honey tortilla. He made a face and looked like he was going to spit it on the ground.

"Yeah. His time was up. He only stole a bag of marshmallows. You better eat that, Pit. You ain't getting any other food till lunch," X-Ray said to Armpit about his honey tortilla.

"Lunch'll be stale. Supply truck comes tomorrow," Zigzag said, staring off into space.

"Wonder what this kid did," Squid said. "Hope he's tougher than Marshmallow. Magnet, remember when you accidentally bumped him into water spigot and started crying?"

"Yeah, that was great. What a wuss. I'm surprised he even survived Camp Green Lake in the first place," Magnet said.

They had reached their holes and started digging. No one really thought about the new C-Tent kid, but Zigzag would occasionally stare at the dirt road, swearing he saw a Chevy.

When everyone was about waist depth in their holes (Zero was about shoulder depth), a school bus pulled up, bumping from the gargantuan number of potholes.

"Here he is," X-Ray said nonchalantly. He took his place at the front of the line as Mr. Pendanski pulled up with lunch.

"Hey Mom, what'd the new meat do?" Squid asked.

"Alan, I don't think you should refer to this young man as 'new meat.' He may have made some wrong choices but he is still a person like you or I. I believe you should all make an effort to be friendly with him, even if he is not in D-Tent." Mr. Pendanski explained.

"Wha-e-r," Squid replied with his mouth full of sandwich. "And it's Squid," he said after taking a big swallow.

"Alan, please don't talk with your mouth full. No one likes to see your chewed up food." said Mr. Pendanski.

"Squid," Squid, X-Ray, and Magnet said simultaneously.

"It says Alan on your birth certificate, so I will call you Alan. I've got to go give E-Tent their lunch. Enjoy digging," Mr. Pendanski said. With a quick wave, he left.

"Damn Pendanski," Squid grumbled, returning to his hole.

"Chillax, Squid," X-Ray said. "He calls us all by our stupid names. No one else does."

"We haven't gotten new meat since Cavemen. I wanna know what he did," Magnet pointed out.

"We all do, Mag. Wait till we get in the wreck room. The faster you dig, the faster you can find out what he did," X-Ray said, and no one could argue with that logic.

Zero finished first, followed by X-Ray, Squid, and ZigZag. Next came Magnet, Armpit, and finally, Stanley.

They boys walked into the wreck room. Two C-Tent boys were laughing. A short, skinny, boy with wild white-blond hair and wire-frame glasses was sitting on the beat-up couch.

"Look at him. I bet he can't even lift a shovel," a big black boy said, laughing.

"I bet he can't even _see_ the shovel. I bet all that hair gets in the way," a blond boy commented.

"Hey, leave 'im alone," X-Ray said, sitting next to the boy. "I'm X-Ray. What's your name?" He outstretched his hand.

The boy shook it nervously. "James," he said quietly.

"Nice to meet you, James. Don't worry, not all the dudes at Camp Green Lake are like those two losers. If you ever need help, you come to me a'ight?" X said.

James nodded.

"So James. If you don't mind me asking, what did you do?" X Ray asked him, with the rest of D-Tent listening eagerly.

"I stole," James said in that barely audible voice of his. "DNA samples. From the National Scientific Research Center. They're pretty confidental, so it was a pretty big deal. My mom thought I should go to camp to make friends. I always tell her my test tubes are my best friends." He looked around the wreck room at the two boys who were teasing him. They were now playing pool and arguing over who got stripes and who got solids. "I guess Camp Green Lake isn't exactly the best place to make friends."

"Hey, not everybody is like them," X-Ray said. "I ain't. This is Armpit, Magnet, Squid, Zigzag, Caveman, and Zero. They're good kids."

"We don't know 'bout Zero, though. He only talks to the Caveman," Squid said, giving Zero a friendly punch. Zero said nothing, but gave Squid a sour look.

"Hey, he needs a nickname. Got any ideas Spud?" the blond boy asked the other boy. They had finished arguing and decided that since X-Ray had talked to James, he was okay to talk to.

"How bout Frizzle?" the big black boy, Spud, answered. "'Cuz his hair's all frizzy. And Mrs. Frizzle is that smart, science-y teacher from the Magic School Bus. And he's all smart and science-y."

"Frizzle it is. C'mon Frizzle, dinner," the blond boy said, slapping Frizzle on the shoulder. Frizzle stood up silently and walked out of the Wreck Room.

"Man, that kid is weird. He's the first smart guy I've ever seen at Camp Green Lake!" Magnet exclaimed.

"I bet he's a spy. Smart people don't get in trouble like that," Zigzag commented.

"Aw, come on Zig. You thought your meatloaf was a spy," Armpit said, and everyone laughed.

"It looked way too suspicious to be ordinary meatloaf. That meatloaf was spying on the Camp, and the campers who ate it," Zigzag said.

"Whatever," Magnet replied, getting in line for dinner.

Dinner was some normal, disgusting, canned food. Stanley noticed Frizzle wolf his food down. He wondered how a kid so skinny could eat so much.

---The Next Day---

Stanley walked out of D-Tent. He was last, of course. He was still getting used to this whole 4-AM thing. He was never a morning person. Nearly everyone had walked to their holes, except Frizzle.

"Hey, Caveman, right?" he said.

"Yeah," Stanley replied.

"Look." Stanley came over to Frizzle. He was holding several dark brown, round objects. "Candies. I used my special ingredients to formulate a special non-melting chocolate. Here, take some," Frizzle said, placing the round chocolates in Stanley's hand.

"Thanks, dude," he said walking away and not noticing the sly smile on Frizzle's face.

----

Stanley had been digging for what seemed like forever. He was sweaty, hot, and had the least dug.

"Hey Stanley. Water's here," Zero said, pouring a few drops of water on Stanley's face. He had been too pre-occupied with his hole to realize the water truck was here. Zero was closest to the truck, and stepped first in line.

"Hey, get in your place, Zero," X-Ray ordered.

"Yeah. You ain't good enough for the front," Squid laughed.

"Only people who can spell get water first," said Armpit, and the rest of D-Tent laughed. Stanley tried defending Zero, but nobody listened.

"Sorry, dude," he said.

"It's okay. It's not your fault. I wish they'd at least be nice to me. I'm not stupid. I just don't like answering their stupid questions. I wish they would treat me with respect," Zero said.

Stanley nodded. "Here, have one," he said. Frizzle gave 'em to me,"

Zero ate a chocolate. "Mmmm, this is good. Minty," he commented.

Zero went back to his hole, but the other boys didn't leave him alone.

"Hey Zero, what does W-A-T-E-R spell? You don't know! Because you're stupid!" and all the other boys laughed. Zero opened his mouth to say something back, but instead something else came out.

_**What you want!**_

_**Baby I got it!**_

_**What you need**_

_**You know I got it!**_

_**All I'm asking**_

_**Is for a little respect when you come home,**_

_**Yeah, baby**_

_**When you get home**_

_**Yeah!**_

_**I ain't gonna do you wrong**_

_**While you're gone**_

_**I ain't gonna do you wrong**_

'_**Cuz I don't wanna!**_

_**All I'm asking**_

_**Is for a little respect when you come home**_

_**Yeah, baby**_

_**When you get home**_

_**Yeah!**_

_**R-E-S-P-E-C-T**_

_**Find out what it means to me!**_

_**R-E-S-P-E-C-T**_

_**Take out TCP!**_

_**Ooooh, a little respect!**_

_**Ooooh, a little respect!**_

_**R-E-S-P-E-C-T!**_

Zero looked shocked at the words that had come out of his mouth.

The other boys looked shocked too. They had barely heard Zero talk, let alone sing!

"Damn!" Squid said. "He really _can_ spell!"

----

Yay! You like? I will be writing more, don't you worry. But you have to review.

Oh yeah, now here's a disclaimer

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Holes, Aretha Franklin, or the song Respect, or even the marshmallow kid. Well, I own him here, but I didn't think of him. I own Frizzle though! Go Frizzle!

Oh yeah, and I didn't put all of Respect there because the rest sounds more like a girlfriend than Zero. And Zero is most certainly not a girlfriend of anyone in D-Tent.


	2. U n w e l l K i d s

**Author's Notes: **Woohoo! Second chapter! I know you are all extremely happy and love me like (insert good simile here). Yeah, I never liked figurative language...Oh yes, and if I didn't mention some songs are serious but some are random, insane ones. I'll try to put at least two in each chapter (one of each!)

**Shoutouts**

**A Cute But Psycho Bunny: **Whoa, that is an extremely long review! I guess I better write an extremely long shoutout! Yes...so...of course we most have Zero, otherwise people shall perish, and perishing people makes me sad. But annoying stories about Squid's troubled past that are all the same don't make me sad, just homicidal. Frizzle is weird...never trust a kid with crazy hair! That's my motto in life beams proudly D-Tent isn't straight as a ruler though, because I've seen flexible rulers. Dude, those are the coolest things ever! They bend! They are a straight as a segment, because a segment has two distinct endpoints, and a line extends infinitely into space. :-) Don't worry I'm psycho too (just ask my friends!) and I get sooo hyper too. Yay, let's have a "I'm the 75th author-alert person party" Yay! Whoa, I wrote a long shoutout!

**Nosilla: **Gracias, chika! Soy updating-o (I don't know how to say update in Spanish. And I'm assuming you're a girl. Otherwise, SORRY!)

**whataboutneville: **Thank you also! It is very different... that's why I decided to write it!

**da baddest chik: **You deserve a long shoutout too, but I'm a lazy person. And I'm scared to be hunted down. Please don't hurt me.

**Chapter 2: U n w e l l K i d s **

**----**

"Stanley! Stanley, wake up? C'mon Stanley, we're gonna be late!" Zero was pushing Stanley, trying to wake him up.

"Mmm...5 five more minutes," Stanley moaned, rolling over and smothering his head in the pillow.

"Stanley, you're not at home anymore! You're at Camp Green Lake! If you don't get out now, Mr. Sir is going to come in and yell at you!" Zero explained, dragging Stanley off the cot.

He opened his eyes. "Aw, crap," he said, getting dressed in record time. The two were the last to get their shovels. Zero kept receiving odd looks from campers. Apparently, word had gotten around camp about Zero's little singing trip.

"I feel weird. People keep giving me odd looks," Zero muttered. "Where'd you get those mints?"

"Frizzle gave 'em to me," Stanley replied. "Cool kid. Awfully smart."

"Smart, yeah, but cool? I don't know. There's something suspicious about him. I don't like him." Zero replied.

"Come on Zero, he's a cool guy. He looks totally harmless. Besides, it's not like he could actually invent mints to make people sing! That's the kind of thing that happens in dreams or books!" Stanley said.

"You never know with those geniuses," Zero replied.

----

The water truck pulled up. Zero made sure to stay in the back. "Gonna sing again?" Squid asked with a smile.

"Hey X, when are you gonna move me up?" Magnet asked eagerly.

"Shut up, man. I ain't ever gonna move you up if ya'll keep askin' me," X Ray shot back.

"Damn kids," Grumbled Mr. Sir as Pendanski filled the canteens.

Armpit was taking a big gulp of water when he started to choke. Water was dribbling down his front. He pointed, and the other boys looked. Sure enough, the Warden's car was pulling up. She stepped out with a cowboy boot. Looking up, Stanley saw her blue jeans, T-Shirt, and sunglasses.

She took off her sunglasses. "Is there any problem here?" she asked, her voice quiet but stern.

Pendanski opened his mouth, but the words came out of Mr. Sir's mouth first.

"A problem? There's the opposite of a problem here! There's a big problem! These damn kids are disobedient, violent and smelly! They don't listen to a single word we say! We're supposed to turn these bad boys into good ones, but we're just makin' 'em worse!" Mr. Sir ranted, huffing when he was done.

"Is this true, Pendanski?" she asked, her voice still gentle yet strict.

"Well, they are a little out-of control at times," Pendanski admitted.

Mr. Sir popped a chocolate in his mouth. "Want one?" he offered to the two adults. They both accepted. "And another thing..." Mr. Sir started, but something unexpected filled the air.

**Kids!  
I don't know what's wrong with these kids today!  
Kids!  
Who can understand anything they say?**

Squid clapped his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing. Magnet was biting was nails. He looked nervous, but the D-Tent boys knew, he bit his nails when he was trying really, really hard not to laugh.

Mr. Pendanski popped a mint in his mouth. Soon enough, words came out of his mouth too.

**Kids!  
They're all disobedient, disrespectful oafs!  
Noisy, crazy, dirty, lazy, loafers!**

"What are you two doing?" the Warden asked. "Get back in here now!" she ordered. But soon, she was singing too.

**While we're on the subject:  
Kids!  
You can talk and talk till your face is blue!  
Kids!  
But they still just do what they want to do!**

The three stood together, with no idea of what was happening.

**Why can't they be like we were,  
Perfect in every way?  
What's the matter with kids today?**

Mr. Pendanski shrugged his shoulders, and sang

**Kids!**

**I've tried to raise them the best I could**

Mr. Sir walked over to Mr. Pendanski and slapped his head, but ended up singing

**Kids! Kids!  
Laughing, singing, dancing, grinning, morons!  
And while we're on the subject!**

The Warden walked in between the two, and soon enough belted out more.

**Kids! They are just impossible to control!  
Kids! With their awful clothes and their rock an' roll!**

The three stood together and realized there was nothing they could do. The words just kept escaping their mouths.

**Why can't they dance like we did  
What's wrong with Sammy Caine?  
What's the matter with kids today!**

They finished the song with a dramatic flourish. Magnet's nails were bitten off and Squid's hand was covered in spit. The boys looked at each other; they could not hold in their laughter anymore. They all burst into laughter, pointing and laughing at the three furious adults.

"I suggest you get back to your holes now before someone gets hurt," The Warden said.

And with that, the three adults were gone.

----The Wreck Room----

"Man, that was great," Squid said. "Did you see their faces! It was like they had no idea they were singing!" The other boys howled with laughter.

"Could you guys keep it down? I'm watching _Full House_," Zigzag said, staring at the broken television. The boys looked at him strangely.

"Sure thing, Zig," X replied as Easy sat down next to Zigzag, just like he did everyday. He gave a loud, false laugh,

"That was funny, wasn't it?" he asked. Zigzag quietly shushed him and continued staring at the blank screen.

"What a loser. The biggest nutter ever. I swear, if his brain was any smaller, it'd be a negative number," Easy said to his friends.

What he said of course didn't make sense, but the boys didn't want to mess with Easy. They all gave big, hearty, laughs. Easy slipped Zigzag a mint, and he ate it silently.

"You are so crazy," Easy said, and not in a good way either. Before Zigzag could say anything, words slipped out of his mouth.

**All day**

**Staring at the ceiling making**

**Friends with shadows on my wall**

**All night**

**Hearing voices telling me that I should get some sleep**

'**Cuz tomorrow might be good for something.**

**Hold on**

**Feelin like I'm headin for a **

**Breakdown**

**And I don't know why.**

Zigzag grabbed his throat, but couldn't stop the words coming out of his mouth. He looked directly at Easy and sang

**I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell**

**I know, right now you can't tell**

**But stay a while and maybe then you'll see**

**A different side of me**

**I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired**

**I know, right you don't care**

**But soon enough, you're gonna think of me**

**And how I used to be**

Zigzag stopped grabbing his throat and looked at Easy and C-Tent with confidence, his eyes blazing.

**Me, **

**Talking to myself in public**

**And dodging glances on the train**

**And I know**

**I know they've all been talkin' bout me**

**I can hear them whisper**

**And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me**

**Out of all the hours thinkin**

**Somehow I've lost my mind**

Easy looked at him strangely. "Man, make him stop!" he moaned. But Zigzag just kept on singing.

**Well I'm not crazy**

**I'm just a little unwell**

**I know right now you can't tell**

**But stay a while and maybe then you'll see**

**A different side of me**

**I'm not crazy**

**I'm just a little impaired**

**I know, right now you don't care**

**But soon enough you're gonna think of me**

**And how I used to be**

**Yeah, How I used to be**

**How I used to be, yeah**

**Well I'm just a little unwell**

**How I used to be**

**(A little unwell)**

**How I used to be**

**I'm just a little unwell...**

Zigzag looked directly at Easy. "Bye," Easy and C-Tent said, running out of the Wreck Room.

"Nice, Zig," X-Ray said, slapping him on the back.

----After Dinner----

"I'm telling you Stanley, it's the mints!"

"And I'm telling you it's not."

"But I'm saying it is!"

"And I say it's not. C'mon, Zero, face it. No one could _invent_ mints to make you sing!"

"Then how come Pendanski, Mr. Sir, the Warden, Zigzag, and I all ate the mints before we sang?"

"Coincidence. C'mon Zero, let's get to bed. We have a long day ahead of us,"

"Well, I still think it's the mints. I'll prove it,"

"Well, sorry, but I know it's not the mints. You're totally wrong," Stanley said, climbing into bed.

Unfortunately, Zero was as right as two perpendicular lines.

----

Woohoo, chapter 2! Read and review of you want more!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Holes, the musical Bye Bye Birdie or the song Kids, or the song "Unwell" by Matchbox Twenty.

Something very sad: I'm in Bye Bye Birdie and had to look up the song lyrics on the internet. And, even sadder, I know the Simpsons version of "Kids" by heart.

R

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	3. M o m m y

Thank you so much o wonderful reviewers! Keep on reviewing!

**Shoutouts**

**A Cute But Psycho Bunny: **I just love your reviews. I never spell psycho right and it bothers me. I also love that Matchbox 20 song! (I typed mathbox at first. lol) Max Kasch is cool! I know what you mean with the Eartha Kitt thing, cuz I have watched the commentary. Those silly willy walnut heads. Stanley is very idiotical. Hahaha that's a cool word. The other day I invented the word Phsyologically. I said it accidentally instead of physically. I guess it means physically logic. My spell check really didn't like that shoutout.

**whataboutneville: **Yes, Unwell does suit Zigzag. He's my favorite D-Tent dude. Stanley is too trusting and too loser-esque. I invented another word!

**ElementGirl1234: **Thank you very much! Here's another one! Sorry, Squid doesn't sing his funny one yet, but I have a good funny one for him planned.

**Hannah (mentalmuse): **Wow, you have such great observational skills! Yummy, I like cookies :-)

**Nosilla: **You have a very interesting dog. My brother is scared of dogs.

**Chapter 3-M o m m y**

----

"It's hot," Stanley said. "Too hot. How could it be this hot! It has to be physically impossible."

"'Fraid not," Zero said. "It's like this every day. You're going to have to get used to it."

Stanley moaned. "Zero, don't all your body parts hurt? Aren't your hands all rough and callused? Aren't your feet aching? Doesn't your back hurt from that lumpy cot? Aren't your arms and legs sore from digging? Doesn't your stomach hurt from that disgusting food?" Stanley complained.

Zero laughed. "Yeah, it does. But come on, we gotta dig.

The two boys walked to their holes. Zero kept a close eye out for any mints. But nobody seemed to have any. Mr. Sir seemed to keep his mouth close, afraid that if he talked he would end up singing again. Everyone was getting a little more suspicious. Something had to be making people sing, but nobody knew what. Only one person thought it was the mints, and that person's name started with Z and ended with ero.

"Finally," Stanley said, climbing out of his hole. "One more down, I lost count of how many more to go. He walked back and put his shovel in the shed. Zero was waiting for him.

"Hey Zero, let me drop my hat off in the tent. Then we can go chill in the wreck room," Stanley said.

Stanley arrived at the tent the same time as the rest of D-Tent. "What are you guys doing here?" he asked.

"Is Magnet in there?" X-Ray asked. He peered inside. Sure enough, Magnet was sitting on a cot, his back facing the tent flap. His shoulders were hunched over, and he appeared to be deep in thought, looking at something.

"Magnet?" X-Ray asked. "What 'cha doin'''?"

"Awful," Magnet replied softly. "How...what...I don't see..."

Are you okay Magnet?" Zigzag asked.

"How could she do that?" he said, his voice rising slightly.

"Who?" asked Squid.

"How?" Magnet asked, to no one in particular. "Why would she do that? Was there something overcoming her to that?"

"Magnet, what happened?" Armpit asked. This looked like one of the first times they saw a serious side of Magnet.

He turned around, chewing on a mint. Zero's eyes grew wide. Sure enough, Magnet sang:

**I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus**

**Underneath the mistletoe last night**

**She didn't see me creep,**

**Down the stairs to have a peep. **

**She thought that I was tucked up**

**In my bedroom fast asleep.**

"What?" Squid asked with disbelief.

**Then I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus**

**Underneath his beard so snowy white. **

**Oh, what a laugh it would have been,**

**If Daddy had only seen**

**Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.**

"Don't tell me you actually believe in Santa Claus!" Armpit exclaimed.

**I did, I really did see Mommy kissing Santa Claus.**

**And, I'm gonna tell my daddy.**

"Magnet? Dude, are you okay?" X-Ray asked

**Then, I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus,**

**Underneath his beard so snowy white.**

**Oh, what a laugh it would have been,**

**If Daddy had only seen**

**Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.**

Magnet looked puzzled, but kept on singing.

**Oh, what a laugh it would have been,**

**If Daddy had only seen**

**Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night**

Magnet was smiling now. He stood up off the cot, and kept singing.

**I did, I did, **

**I really did see Mommy kissin' Santa Claus. **

**You gotta believe me. You just gotta believe me!**

**Come on, Fellas! Believe me! You just gotta believe me!**

**Fellas, you gotta believe me... **

"I can't believe she did that!" Magnet said when he was done. "I mean, she was happily married. Why would she have to cheat on my dad-with Santa Claus!" he added.

"That's it?" X-Ray asked. "That's what you were looking at? That's what you couldn't believe she did? Not some crazy thing like beating you or something?"

"No. She was kissing Santa. When I was seven, I snuck out to see Santa. I brought my camera too. See, look," Magnet shoved a picture under their noses.

A pretty, Hispanic woman was kissing a man. He was dressed in a Santa suit, but he was Hispanic too. His belly looked unnaturally large compared to his thin face. Any one could see it was Magnet's father in a Santa Suit, but maybe Magnet was just a slow little 7-year old.

"Magnet..."X-Ray began, but the dinner bell stopped him from saying anything else. Magnet stuffed the picture back in his crate.

"See what I mean?" he asked. "Why would she do that?"

----

Squid woke up in a cold sweat, panting. He looked at his watch 2:06, it said, glowing at him with green digits. _Go back to sleep, _he ordered himself. But he just couldn't. 2:00 A.M. just brought back such bad memories.

--Flashback—

"Alan, go clean your room and then re-paint the house. You always leave a mess of dirty crap everywhere," his drunken mom ordered after coming home from the bar at 2:00.

"Ma, I cleaned everything yesterday after school. Your bottles of vodka and beer cans are everywhere," 11-year old Squid said.

"Then go take a walk. You'll be in the most useful place anywhere but here," she said, chugging a can of beer and spilling all over her shirt.

Squid was a tough kid, but he never understood why his Mom was always drunk and he hadn't seen his dad since he was three. His mom blamed him, and Squid blamed himself too.

"Fine, I'm going. Maybe if you're lucky I won't come back! Maybe if the whole town is lucky, I'll die!" he yelled, pulling on a sweatshirt. Everyone thought Squid was just a stupid, stealing, delinquent. He tried his hardest at school but could never study at home. All his mom did was drink, so he stole food or a couple of sodas, just so he could survive. Squid was a naturally good-natured kid; he was just in the wrong place. But nobody even gave him a chance. He was hated everywhere in town.

---End Flashback---

A tear almost came to Squid's eye thinking of that night. The police had brought him home and told him not to run away again. He was sent to Camp Green Lake 3 years later on a winter night, stealing money. He hadn't been trying to steal enough for a TiVo, like the other guys. He was stealing to pay the electricity bill so he could fall asleep without his teeth chattering and shivering all night.

He popped a mint in his mouth, thinking of that night.

**I walk a lonely road**

**The only road that I have ever known**

**Don't know where it goes**

**But it's only me and I walk alone**

Zero was a very light sleeper, and as soon as the song escaped Squid's mouth, he woke up. Squid didn't seem to notice and just kept singing.

**I walk this empty street**

**On the boulevard of broken dreams**

**Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk alone**

Magnet, also a light sleeper, also woke up. He looked interested. Squid never talked about his old life before Camp Green Lake.

**I walk alone  
I walk alone **

I walk alone  
I walk a...

**My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone**

Zigzag and X-Ray also woke up at Squid singing. Squid looked surprised at the very words coming out of his mouth.

**Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah **

I'm walking down the line  
That divides me somewhere in my mind  
On the border line  
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Now Stanley and Armpit had both woken up, and both were heavy sleepers.

**Read between the lines  
What's fcked up and everything's alright  
Check my vital signs  
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone **

I walk alone  
I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk a...

Mr. Sir and Mr. Pendanski also heard singing. "Alan, stop! It's 2 A.M.! Sing in the morning!" Mr. Pendanski ordered. Squid looked them directly in the eye and sang:

**My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone**

**Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah  
Ah-ah, Ah-ah **

I walk alone  
I walk a...

Frizzle and other C-Tent boys were standing near the tent door. C-Tent was laughing and Frizzle was smiling slyly. Everyone was watching Squid-except Zero. He was watching Frizzle with intense determination. _It works, _Frizzle mouthed. Zero's eyes grew wide.

**I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk a... **

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone...

Squid slowly crept back into bed. "Move along folks!" Mr. Sir yelled. "Nothing to see here! Get to bed!"

The rest of C-Tent reluctantly walked to bed. Mr. Sir and Mr. Pendanski walked back to their cabin.

"Squid...was life really like that?" Stanley asked nervously after a long, awkward silence.

"Yeah, it was," Squid replied. "No one knew who I was, but they all hated me. I hadn't seen my dad in 11 years. My mom was always drunk and beat me. That song was exactly like my life. But I didn't even know I knew that song."

"Yeah, I didn't either before, even though mine described me well too," Zigzag added.

"Did you both eat a mint before you sang?" Zero suddenly asked. D-Tent jumped back surprised and looked at him.

"Yeah, come to think of it, I did," Zigzag said. "Easy gave me one."

"I did too," Squid said.

"Same," added Magnet.

Zero nodded. "So did Mr. Sir, Mr. Pendanski, the Warden and I. It's gotta be the mints."

The other boys laughed. "No way Zero," X-Ray said. "Come on, that's impossible."

Zero felt déjà vu from what Stanley said. "You never know," he said. "You never know."

----

Well? How was it? Leave awesomeness reviews for me please! My spell check went crazy with "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." Apparently, most songs are filled with fragments. No wonder so many stars never went to college ;-)

For some reason, I was very tempted to type "Squidward" instead of Squid many times. Instead of typing Alan, I wanted to write Squidward Tentacles. Don't ask me why because I have no idea.

Oh yes, and I'm going to try to make everyone in D-Tent sing one funny and one serious song.

And I would like to tell all of you to go out and see the Series of Unfortunate Events movie, even if you don't like/haven't read the books. Liam Aiken is super duper HOT!!! Hahaha, my gym teacher heard me going "Oh my God, he's so hot! Looking at the pictures my friend brought in. You had to be there.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Holes, the Song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" (I don't know who owns it) or the song "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day. I love that song soooo much! Green Day is awesome!

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	4. Sexy but Crazy

Woohoo! Chapter numero cuatro! Yeah, baby!

Hope y'all had a very merry (insert holiday choice here) and a happy new year!

I got awesome presents! A GUITAR! YES!!! Green Day and School of Rock soundtrack CD's, Spiderman 2 and Dodgeball on DVD, a portable DVD player, clothes I actually LIKE, and more! Happy me! Still no cell phone...dammit!

When I was writing Squid's little part of the last chapter, I was kind of thinking about the Outsiders. Like, how everyone hated the Greasers, even if they weren't bad. We had to read that for school. I thought it was going to suck, but I loved it. I cried during some of it...tear, tear.

And I accidentally put _"It's only me_" instead of_ "It's home to me." _No one else seemed to notice but it bugged me. Just so y'all know.

**Shoutouts**

**loviedovie: **Yes indeed, Liam Aiken is hot and Green Day is awesome. Glad you like :-) And your iPod mix is almost exactly what would be on mine if I had one! We have like the exact same taste in music!

**A Cute But Psycho Bunny: **Hot child stars? Tom Felton, no way! He looks like Aaron Carter in the PoA movie! And Rupert Grint? Nuh-uh, his facial expressions are so...weird. My friend loooooves him though. But I hear ya on Daniel Radcliffe! His voice is so high pitched in the first movies; it cracks me up! Liam Aiken and Kevin Alexander Clark (who played the drummer, Freddy Jones, in School of Rock) are definitely the hottest childhood stars everrrr!

**SquidFreak: **Aww, thank you so much! It makes me happy when people say this is the bestest story :-)

**whataboutneville: **Yes I used Boulevard of Broken Dreams! I love that song so much, and apparently so do a lot of other people.

**da baddest chik: Ah! I'm extremely sorry! See, what happened is I wrote the chapter and then got your review! So I forgot to go back and give you a shoutout! Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year, even though by the time this is posted they will all be over. I saw the movie on the 18th too! How awesome! Yes I too love that Green Day song, it seems like everyone does. I love Green Day; they really are an amazing band. Yay I gave you a shoutout so you can't hurt me :-) And since you're so special, you get a bold shoutout.**

**sakurakasugano: **Glad you like. What does your sn mean?

**relytA: **lol, Ms. Frizzle is awesome! So is the Magic School Bus! I have two episodes on video from when I was younger and in love with the Magic School Bus, Arthur, Mary-Kate and Ashley, and Power Rangers. Ah, the good old days. Um...in answer to your question...Zero came and was extremely smart and everyone loved his poofy hair, and Stanley came and was stupid. There. :-)

**FetishFemale**: I love Green Day and that song too! So does nearly everyone else who reviewed :-D Yes, Liam Aiken was Klaus in the movie...he's hot. He was also in Good Boy, but he looked a lot younger and less hot. Glad you like.

**ChanelBabe202:** Ah, my ideas come from a very twisted, sugar high mind of mine. Glad you like, but please don't die, dying makes me sad.

**Chapter 4: Sexy but Crazy**

---

"See, there used to be a million planets, one for every species. There was a planet of Asians, a planet of Jews, a planet of ferrets, etc. But then one day these alien species found an empty planet and took some of each country and put them on the planet. So they took this new planet, and called it "Earth." Which stood for 'Entertaining Aliens 'Round The Hemisphere.' So Earth was this big reality show for species everywhere who loved seeing us kill each other off in wars and fights and stuff. That's why I'm wearing this aluminum foil on my head so the aliens won't tap into my secret thoughts and use it as a sitcom or something," Zigzag explained to his fellow D-Tenters.

"Uh huh," Squid nodded. "So...these 'aliens' toke some Jews from the planet of Jews and some Nazis from the planet of Nazis, put them on one country and we had a big World War II, just for their entertainment?" he asked in a disbelieving voice.

"And...by wearing the aluminum foil on your head, the aliens can't tap into your brain and use your thoughts for some new soap opera?" X-Ray asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Exactly. That's my theory of life and how it came to be," Zigzag said proudly, beaming from underneath the aluminum foil.

"My theory is you got dropped on the head as a baby," Armpit muttered, and those who heard him laughed. Zigzag didn't seem to hear and was staring intensely at an ant on the ground.

"I have a theory too," Magnet piped up. "See, Dr. Pepper and Mr. PiBB are really the same, drink just with different labels."

"Yeah," Squid replied in a 'Y'all are so weird' voice.

While listening to Zigzag's "theory", the boys had been walking to their holes. By the time Magnet offered his theory, they had reached their designated digging spot.

"Hey Magnet, gonna sing again? What happened this time, your dad had an affair with the Tooth Fairy?" Squid laughed.

Magnet stuck his tongue out at Squid. "Ha ha. Very funny. Hey, I'm not the one who started randomly singing in the middle of the night last night. I was having a good dream too, but you woke me up with that awful singing voice of yours,"

"Come on guys, chillax. We need to save our energy for digging," X-Ray said, stepping in between the two boys. They stepped apart and went back to their holes.

---

"Hey, Stanley, it's lunch time," Zero said, peering into Stanley's hole.

"Oh. Right. Thanks," he said while Zero helped him out of his hole. They got in line, and Pendanski served their lunch. They sat silently and ate their sandwiches (stale), apple (stale), and cookie (not stale...just kidding).

The rest of the hole digging was average, everyday, normal. It was hot and Stanley's body hurt like hell. Zero finished first and headed to the wreck room. Soon, everyone else finished, leaving Stanley on his own. He finally finished and headed to the Wreck Room alone.

---

"Come cop a squat, Stanley!" Mr. Pendanski said, patting the empty floor next to him. Stanley reluctantly sat down.

"We're having a discussion, Stanley," Mr. Pendanski said. "Jose was just telling us about his love for animals. Is there anything you would like to add, Jose?"

"Nope. All done," Magnet said with a big fake smile. "Pick someone else to torture," he muttered to Armpit, who was sitting next to him. Armpit laughed, and Pendanski asked what was wrong. Magnet just told him to pick someone else to share their magnificent life story with.

"All right, I will," Pendanski replied. He looked at the group until his eyes stopped on a small boy with thick, dirty glasses. "Rex! You've been awful quiet! What was your life like before Camp Green Lake?"

X-Ray looked at him. "All right, do you wanna know what my life was like? Shit. My sister was anorexic and bulimic and constantly comparing herself to celebrities and popular girls. My brother was gay, and his boyfriend beat him. My dad was a cocaine and heroine addict. My mom was having an affair with the mailman, and was pregnant with his baby. My dog was physically retarded and kept banging his head against the wall," X-Ray said angrily.

Mr. Pendanski opened his mouth to say something, but X-Ray spoke before he could. "And you know what? All my life, they have labeled me. I couldn't be a good student because my brother failed ninth grade-twice. I wasn't expected to show up for classes because my sister skipped class everyday. I was a terrible athlete because my dad was on drugs, even though I was pretty decent at basketball. And since my mom cheated on my dad, I was a terrible boyfriend and even worse friend. I was judged all the time, all because of my screwed up family."

D-Tent had never seen X-Ray so angry. Usually, he was the peacemaker, breaking up the fights. His eyes were glowing with rage and he looked like he was in no mood to stop.

"My life was crazy. Home is supposed to be a place where you are loved, where there all people who care for you. Home is where you could go to bed feeling cozy at night while your mom kisses you goodnight! Home is where you can study geometry with your dad helping or go out in the yard and throw a football with your brother! Not what it was for me! Life is crazy...the world is crazy..." X-Ray ranted, popping a mint into his mouth furiously.

"And another thing," he began to add, but instead started singing.

**Tell me what's wrong with society**

**When everywhere I look I see**

**Young girls dying to be on T.V.**

**They won't stop till they've reach their dreams**

**Diet pills, surgery**

**Photoshopped pictures in magazines**

**Telling them how they should be**

**It doesn't make sense to be**

"Rex, you can stop anytime if you want to!" Mr. Pendanski said. "If it's too personal..." But X-Ray kept on singing.

**Is everybody going crazy? **

**Is anybody gonna save me? **

**Can anybody tell me what's going on? **

**Tell me what's going on **

**If you open your eyes **

**You'll see that something is wrong **

**I guess things are not how they used to be**

**There's no more normal families**

**Parents act like enemies**

**Making kids feel like it's World War III**

X-Ray looked beyond angry now. He was downright furious. Even behind his dusty glasses, his eyes were glowing with pure hatred.

**No one cares, no one's there**

**I guess we're all just too damn busy**

**And money's our first priority**

**It doesn't make sense to me**

**Is everybody going crazy?**

**Is anybody gonna save me?**

**Can anybody tell me what's going on?**

**Tell me what's going on**

**If you open your eyes **

**You'll see that something is wrong **

"Rex, you don't need to continue! Why don't you all just go in the Wreck Room and hang out!" Mr. Pendanski said calmly.

**Is everybody going crazy? **

**Is everybody going crazy?**

**Tell me what's wrong with society **

**When everywhere I look, I see **

**Rich guys driving big SUV's **

**While kids are starving in the streets **

**No one cares **

**No one likes to share **

**I guess life's unfair **

X-Ray looked completely furious now. He jumped on a nearby table and sang, completely angry:

**Is everybody going crazy?**

**Is anybody gonna save me?**

**Can anybody tell me what's going on? **

**Tell me what's going on **

**If you open your eyes **

**You'll see that something**

**something is wrong **

**Is everybody going crazy? **

**Can anybody tell me what's going on? **

**Tell me what's going on **

**If you open your eyes **

**You'll see that something is wrong**

X-Ray jumped off the table and sat down quietly, as if nothing had ever happened. Pendanski opened his mouth to say something, but the dinner bell spared him.

"Dinner," X-Ray said nonchalantly. "Hey Zig, when does the supply truck come?"

"Three days," Zigzag replied. "Today's Monday. It'll come Thursday."

Stanley always wondered how Zigzag knew the days of the week. He lost track after the first two. It was hard to think at Camp Green Lake. You were always hot and sore, and had to be on the lookout for scorpions or yellow spotted lizards or cheesecake with fungus. If you weren't in good physical condition, you didn't have time to think. Stanley definitely had no time to think.

---

After dinner, Stanley and D-Tent went to the Wreck Room. B-Tent was already in there, singing to the Backstreet Boys. Squid walked over to the pool table and began a game with Armpit.

"If you you want it to be good, girl, get yourself a bad boy!" Thlump sang at the top of his lungs, annoying the hell out of Squid. "If you really want it good, girl, get yourself a bad boy!" He sounded like that weird kid in the frat house who was always drink and lived off coffee.

"Dammit! Shut the hell up!" Squid finally yelled, throwing his stick on the floor. Thlump gave him a menacing look. The room was silent except for the Backstreet Boys still singing their little boy band hearts out. "I'm sick of that damn song about getting a bad boy! You play it at least five times in a row every freaking day!" He walked over to the boom box, turned off the CD, and started messing with the radio dial.

"Squid, you know the radio doesn't come in here," Magnet pointed out.

"Yeah I know," he replied. I'd rather listen to fizz than that crap.

"Really," Thlump said with a huge Cheshire Cat-like grin on his face. "Why don't we make him create music of his own...?" he muttered to B-Tent. They all gave loud, hearty laughs. "Hey Squid, you want a mint?" Thlump offered him. He took it silently and continued browsing through the fizz.

He stopped for a second. "Damn it's hot in here," he said, taking off his shirt. "If you listen really closely, you can hear some guitar," he said. He leaned closer to the speaker, trying to figure out the song. Soon enough, another song filled the air.

**I'm Too Sexy for My Love**

**Too Sexy For My Love**

**Love, Love Is Going To Leave**

**I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt**

**Too Sexy For My Shirt**

**So Sexy It Hurts**

**And I'm Too Sexy For Milan**

**Too Sexy For Milan**

**New York And Japan**

He walked over to here Thlump was, handed him his shirt, and wagged his index finger in a 'shame-on-you' manner.

**I'm Too Sexy For Your Party**

**Too Sexy For Your Party**

**No Way I'm Disco Dancing**

**I'm A Model, Ya Know What I Mean**

**And I Do My Little Turn On The Catwalk**

**Yeah On The Catwalk**

**On The Catwalk Yeah**

**I Do My Little Turn On The Catwalk**

He was dancing around the room and acting even more drunk than Thlump. He seemed to enjoy it.

**I'm Too Sexy For My Car**

**Too Sexy For My Car**

**Too Sexy By Far**

**(quick "And")I'm Too Sexy For My Hat**

**Too Sexy For My Hat**

**What Ya Think About That**

**I'm A Model, Ya Know What I Mean**

**And I Do My Little Turn On The Catwalk**

**Yeah On The Catwalk**

**On The Catwalk Yeah**

**I Shake My Little Tush On The Catwalk**

He stood up on the pool table and walked on like a catwalk, exaggerating the moves.

**Too Sexy For My**

**Too Sexy For My**

**Too Sexy For My**

**'cause**

**I'm A Model, Ya Know What I Mean**

**And I Do My Little Turn On The Catwalk**

**Yeah On The Catwalk**

**Yeah On The Catwalk Yeah**

**I Shake My Little Tush On The Catwalk**

**I'm Too Sexy For My Cat**

**Too Sexy For My Cat**

**Poor Pussy**

**Poor Pussy Cat**

**I'm Too Sexy For My Love**

**Too Sexy For My Love**

**Love's Going To Leave Me**

**And I'm Too Sexy For This Song**

And with that, he stopped, grabbed his shirt from Thlump, and said, "Uh...I think it's time for bed.

**---**

Later that night, D-Tent was lying in bead but not yet sleeping. They were discussing what the rest of the camp had most likely been discussing...the singing.

"Man, these songs are getting funnier and funnier. I thought it was hilarious when that E-Tent German immigrant sang "American Idiot", but your performance had t top that, Squid," Armpit said laughing. The others joined in with him.

Squid gave him the finger. "Shut up Pit. I'd like to see what _you_ sing. You know what they say..."

"Treat others the way you want to be treated?" Zigzag offered.

"If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all?" Magnet said.

"Don't cook bacon with your shirt off?" Stanley asked.

"No," Squid said, glaring at all of them. "He who laughs last...laughs best.

---

Woohoo, how do you like it? Keep reviewing please!!!!

Oh yes in that beginning part with Zigzag's "theory," the Earth reality show thing is from South Park. But I thought of the "Entertaining Aliens Round the Hemisphere" and the whole wearing aluminum foil-so-my-brain-isn't-an-alien-soap-opera-thing.

When Pendanski says cop a squat, that's what my cheerleading coach says. I always thought it was cool. (Yes, I am a cheerleader :-)

Disclaimer: I do not own the Simple Plan song "Crazy" (which is a good song! Go listen to it!) or the one hit wonder "I'm Too Sexy" What a one-hit wonder...hahaha

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	5. 20 Years Ago

Oh my goodness! Sorry about the extremely long wait! I am incredibly sorry! I've got a pretty busy schedule, and I just _have _to play in the snow.

Yep, here's chapter 5!

**Shoutouts**

**A Cute but Psycho Bunny: **Yes, he totally does look like Aaron Carter! Hey, my friends agree :-) Aaron Carter's a twin. I read that in InStyle. But Liam and Kevin Clark are sooo totally mine hun ;-) Yes, the Dr. Pepper/ Mr. PiBB thing is from All American Girl, and I've never had Mr. PiBB either. I think that's what they have in the Midwest or something. Yes, shirtless squid is a nice mental picture but Liam or Kevin would be nice...or Usher, whoohee look at those abs...

**loviedovie: **Haha yes, South Park is the best show ever! Lol, and I'm half Jewish. Smart, cooking bacon with your shirt off. I saw that on the Fairly Oddparents. Aw, poor child, doing embarrassing dances, I could never do that, lol.

**Whataboutneville: **Glad you liked the chapter, but Tom Felton totally did look like Aaron Carter.

**Squid Freak: **ha, glad you like...Squid w/o a shirt does seem nice...but I'm so sorry about long updates! I'll try to update sooner in the future!

**Da baddest chik: **Poor freezing child. I was freezing in school and wearing my heavy coat, and my English teacher yelled at me...I think she had PMS.

**ElementGirl1234: **Glad you think its hilarious! Squid was on the "catwalk" (that's what it says in the song.) I remember He who laughs last...laughs best from an Alvin and the Chipmunks movie I had. I love those chipmunks. I was even Alvin for Halloween.

**GinnyAndDracoForever: **Hahahaha, your review made me laugh! I'm glad you think this is funny. I thought people were going to yell at me and be like this is pointless! Or whatever. I'm updating now, don't hurt me!

**Ouchie: **Again, I'm glad you think it's funny. If you ever remember the songs you had in mind, feel free to tell me, cuz I think I need a few more.

**Chapter 5- 20 Years ago...**

"Mo-o-o-om," Armpit moaned. "Stop eating my Oreo sundae mo-o-m."

X-Ray gave him a shake. "Stop talking in your sleep, Pit! Get up!"

"Tina, you fat lard! Eat the food! Gosh!" Armpit rolled over on his stomach.

"Caveman, give me your canteen," X-Ray ordered. Stanley handed it over right away. He did not want to cause any trouble.

"Thanks." X-Ray unscrewed the lid; he poured the water all over Armpit.

"Ahhhh!" Armpit screamed, flailing his arms. "Ahhhh! I'm drowning! I can't swim! Ahhhhhhh!" He looked up to find D-Tent laughing mirthlessly at him. He gave them the finger, and walked silently over to get his shovel.

The boys walked to their holes and dug, still having slight after-laughs. "Ahh..." Squid said in a high-pitched voice, imitating Armpit/ "I can't swim! Ahhhhh!"

This set off the boys (apart from Armpit and Zero) laughing again. They were still laughing when Pendanski pulled with lunch.

"What is so funny, boys?" he asked.

They all shrugged their shoulders or muttered "Nothing", and got to their place in line. Suddenly, Zigzag looked downright upset.

"What's wrong, Ricky?" asked Pendanski with a big smile.

"It's my birthday," Zigzag replied quietly, looking at his feet. "No one remembered my birthday."

"But Zigzag," X-Ray started, "you never told us when your birthday was. We can't read minds." This seemed a little odd, coming from someone named X-Ray.

"Yeah. Plus, how are we supposed to know what day it is?" Magnet asked.

Zigzag didn't reply. He still stared at his feet with the same sad expression.

Pendanski smiled. "Ricky, you sound like Molly Ringwald's character in _Sixteen Candles_," he said.

Zigzag's wild blond head shot up. "Who's Molly Ringwald?" he asked with a strange look on his face. The others shared a similar strange, puzzled look, all but Armpit, who put a mint into his mouth.

Pendanski opened his mouth to answer, but Armpit answered first. "Molly Ringwald. Hot teen actress in the 80's in many then-popular movies like _Sixteen Candles _and _Pretty in Pink. _Also, member of the Brat Pack, along with _Pretty in Pink _co-star Andrew McCarthy, Demi Moore, and others," he said.

The others gaped at him. "How do you know this?" Squid asked. Armpit shrugged. "I like the 80's," he said nonchalantly. "My mom always said..."

But they never did get to hear what his mom said, for Armpit had, yes, broken out in song.

**Debbie just hit the wall!**

**She never had it all**

**One Prozac a day**

**Husband's a CPA**

**Her dreams went out the door**

**When she turned twenty-four**

**Only been with one man**

**What happened to her plan?**

**She was gonna be an actress!**

**She was gonna be a star! **

**She was gonna shake her ass!**

**On the hood of White Snake's car!**

The others clapped their hands over their mouths to keep from cracking up. _First the drowning, then this...great blackmail material,_ thought Squid.

**Her yellow SUV**

**Is now the enemy**

**Looks at her average life**

**And nothing, has been**

**All right since**

**Bruce Springsteen, Madonna**

**Way before Nirvana**

**There was U2, and Blondie**

**And music still on MTV**

**Her two kids, in high school**

**They tell her that she's un cool**

'**Cuz she's still pre-occupied**

**With 19, 19, 1985**

Magnet let out a small giggle. Armpit sure was having a hilarious day.

**She's seen all the classics**

**She knows every line**

**Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink**

**Even Saint Elmo's fire**

**She rocked out to Wham**

**Not a big Limp Bizkit fan**

**Thought she'd get a hand**

**On a member of Duran Duran**

**Where's the miniskirt**

**Made of snakeskin?**

**And who's the other guy**

**That's singing in Van Halen?**

**When did reality**

**Become TV?**

**Whatever happened to?**

**Sitcoms, game shows**

**(on the radio was)**

A miniskirt made of snakeskin? That had to be one of the funniest things Stanley had heard. He let out a chuckle.

**Bruce Springsteen, Madonna**

**Way before Nirvana**

**There was U2, and Blondie **

**And music still on MTV**

**Her two kids, in high school**

**They tell her that she's un cool**

'**Cuz she's still pre-occupied**

**With 19, 19, 1985**

**She hates time**

**Make it stop**

**When did Motley Crew become classic rock?**

**And when did Ozzy**

**Become an actor?**

**Please make this**

**Stop,**

**Stop,**

**STOP!**

**And bring back**

**Springsteen, Madon****na**

**Way before Nirvana**

**There was U2, and Blondie**

**And music still on MTV**

**Her two kids, in high school**

**They tell her that she's un cool**

'**Cuz she's still pre-occupied**

**With 1985**

**Bruce Springsteen, Madonna**

**Way before Nirvana**

**There was U2, and Blondie **

**And music still on MTV**

**Her two kids, in high school**

**They tell her that she's un cool**

'**Cuz she's still pre-occupied**

**With 19, 19 **

**1985**

"All right. Nothing to see here, keep digging," MR. Pendanski said, driving away with the truck.

X-Ray opened his mouth, but Armpit spoke first. "Not a word," he said.

"Wasn't gonna," muttered X-Ray.

---

"All right boys, come sit down! Make a big circle! Make sure everyone can fit!" Pendanski said. HE scooted over to make more room.

"Today we are going to have a special discussion..." he began.

"Please, Mom, I all ready got the birds and the bees talk," Magnet said. The boys started laughing.

Pendanski chuckled. "I'm glad you did Jose, but I wasn't planning to talk about that. I want to talk about role models providing a positive influence in our life. Who is your role model?"

Squid's hand shot up. "Yes, Alan?" Pendanski said. "Who is your role model?"

"50 Cent."

"Would you mind explaining?"

"All you have to do is get shot nine times, talk really fast to a beat about girls, and boom! You're rich!"

The boys laughed, but Pendanski frowned. "Alan, if you were going to talk about 50 Cent's determination and survival through nine bullets, he would be an appropriate role model. But you did not describe as a positive influence. How about you Stanley?"

Stanley didn't expect to be called on. "Um...uh...well..."  
he stuttered. "It ain't my no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealin'-great-great-grandfather."

The boys howled with laughter. Pendanski frowned again. "Then who is?" he asked after the laughter died down.

"Um...I guess my dad," Stanley said.

"Much better. What makes your dad so special?"

Stanley shrugged. "He's just really determined. He's kinda...well, cursed...so his inventions never really work. But he keeps trying really hard." Stanley stuck his hands in his jumpsuit pockets for a little while, and pulled out a mint. He put it in his mouth.

**What's a Dad for, Dad?**

**Tell me why I'm here, Dad**

**Whisper in my ear**

**That I'm growing up to be a better man, Dad**

**Everything is fine, Dad **

**Proud that you are my Dad**

**Cause I know I'm growing up to be a better man**

**Father, I will always be**

**That same boy that stood by the sea**

**And watched you tower over me**

**Now I'm older, I want to be the same as you**

Stanley remembered a time when he was just three years old. His family had taken a 4-day trip to the beach in August, and it poured every single day.

"_Daddy, Daddy, I wanna go swimming Daddy!" Stanley said, tugging on his dad's shirt._

"_It's raining. We can't swim in the rain, honey," his dad said, smiling down at his little son._

"_Can we go look at the beach! Pwetty pwetty pweeeeease Daddy!" Stanley said._

"_We can go take a walk, but you have to stay far away from the shoreline," his dad said._

"_Yaaaaay!" Stanley screamed._

**What's a dad for, Dad?**

**Taught me how to stand, Dad**

**Took me by the hand, Dad**

**And showed me how to be a bigger man, Dad**

**Listened when you talked, Dad**

**Followed where you walked, Dad**

**And you know that I will always do the best I can, I can**

"_Daddy, is the water always so big and scawy?"_

"_Not, always. It's usually very beautiful. It's calm, and bright blue, and perfect for swimming."_

"_Then how come it looks rain-y and scawy?"_

_Stanley's dad sighed. "Because of your no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealin-great-great-grandfather."_

"_Piggy? Don't hot dogs come from piggys?"_

_Stanley's dad laughed. "Yes, honey, they do. Let's get back before your mother calls the cops to find us."_

**Father, I will always be (always be)**

**that same boy that stood by the sea**

**And watched you tower over me (over me)**

**Now I'm older I want to be the same as you**

**The same as you**

**Father, I will always be**

**that same boy that stood by the sea**

**And watched you tower over me**

**Now I'm older I want to be the same as you**

**Father, I will always be**

**that same boy that stood by the sea**

**And watched you tower over me**

**Now I'm older I want to be the same as you**

Everyone stared at Stanley when he finished. He felt his cheeks burn red, with a hot flush. Fortunately, the dinner bell rang, and everyone got up to go to dinner.

"Hey Caveman," Squid said to Stanley in line for dinner.

Stanley thought something bad was coming He thought Squid was going to make fun of him or blackmail him or...

"I think it's pretty cool that you have a great dad like that. Mine wasn't very good. You're a pretty lucky kid Caveman, even with that grandfather or whatever. Don't take it for granted." Squid left him with that as he went to get a straw.

Stanley was shocked. He hadn't normally considered himself very lucky. He was overweight, he was unlucky, and he was poor. But he realized he could have been a lot worse off. He could have been like Squid, whose dad walked away and left him with a drunken mother. At least Stanley had a bed to sleep in each night, ever-loving parents and grandfather, and a roof over his head. Just then, it hit Stanley: He _was _lucky.

---

Yay, all done! I liked this chapter; it was fun for me to write. Leave a really cool review please!

**Disclaimer: **In no way, shape, or form do I own Holes and their characters, Bowling for Soup's "1985", Yellowcard's "Life of a Salesman", or the line "Tina you fat lard, eat the food! Gosh!" That line is from Napoleon Dynamite, an awesomely hilarious movie.

Both of those songs are really good, and if you haven't heard them go now before I spank you with a wet noodle!

Oh...before we go, I have a question to ask. What are lemons and limes (besides fruit)? Because I've seen people say 'no lemons or limes in stories!', or whatever. I have a feeling its something kinda gross though...so...yeah.

Well, that's all, folks!


	6. You can't hurt me!

Awww everybody! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while! I'm sure you've all missed me.

Thanks to **Empress of Cats, whataboutneville, A Cute but Psycho Bunny, Jaleo, Squid Freak, da baddest chik, GinnyAndDracoForever, crinury**

I love you all!

Review if you want to see your name in lights!

**Chapter 6-**

-

"The early boy digs the fastest hole! C'mon boys, time to get up!" Pendanski was alive, alert, and enthusiastic, even in the early dawn.

Armpit muttered something about dreaming about ice cream, but he got up. He was pretty used to getting up early, but there were times when he missed watching cartoons and eating Froot Loops in his Bugs Bunny pajamas.

Zero was the first to leave the tent. The rest of the boys exited and grabbed a honey tortilla for breakfast.

Squid made a face as he started to eat it, but X-Ray made him.

"If you don't anything until lunch, you might pass out," he said.

"Yeah, well if I eat any more disgustingly stale food like this, I might as well pass out anyway." Squid replied. However, he ate it without further complaint.

The long digging began. Stanley was pretty occupied with his digging, but Magnet suddenly yelled.

"Hey look!" hey said. The other boys crowded around Magnet's hole. He held up a small, lumpy rock in his hand.

"Um...it's a rock," Zigzag said finally.

"Not just any rock," Magnet said. "If you stand on your head and squint at it, it looks just like Mr. Sir."

Soon, the rest of the boys aside from Zero were standing on their head sand squinting at the rock.

"Hey, it does look like Mr. Sir!" Squid said, and there were a few mummers of agreements.

X-Ray laughed. "It looks him, but it sure as hell ain't gonna get you the rest of the day off."

"Darn!" Magnet said, snapping his fingers and pretending to be disappointed. He went back to his hole, and the others followed suit.

-

Stanley walked into the wreck room after a hard day of digging. He immediately plopped down on the beat-up couch next to Zero.

"Whew," he said, brushing sweat particles off his face. "Digging is hard. How do you dig so fast?"

Zero didn't answer, but smiled at him. "Why do they have capitals and smalls?"

"Huh?" Stanley replied.

"Instead of 26 letters, they have 52. 26 capitals and 26 lowercase. Why don't they just keep them the same?"

Stanley was taken back. "Well, uh, I don't know. I guess so you can tell if it's a new sentence or special word like a place or something..."

Zero looked hard at thought. Just then, Frizzle sat down next to Zigzag in front of the broken TV.

"Hi Zigzag," he said quietly. Zigzag waved his left hand slightly.

"Do you like chocolate?" Frizzle asked. Zigzag nodded, his eyes still fixed on the TV.

"Here," Frizzle said, passing him a mint. Zigzag pocketed the mint.

"Don't worry, it won't melt. I used a special formula," Frizzle said smiling. Zigzag thanked him quietly and Frizzle left.

"Well well well," a loud, tough voice said. "Look who we have here. The two afro wannabees."

It wasn't a very smart insult, but some of Easy's tent mates laughed, just so they wouldn't get beaten up.

"Well well Zigzag, are we gonna be singing again? Maybe some dancing this time?" he flailed his arms in a wild tap dance. Zigzag looked at him menacingly.

"You can't hurt me," Zigzag muttered quietly so no one but himself could hear.

"Whats that Zigzag?" Easy asked, cupping his hand behind his ear and leaning in.

"I said you can't hurt me," Zigzag louder, with a little more confidence. "My mother used to say, 'No one can use words to hurt you. They think so, but only you know.' You can't hurt me. He reached into his pocket and grabbed the mint Frizzle gave him. He pulled it out and ate it.

Easy started laughing. "Oh, I can't hurt you can I? I can't hurt poor wittle momma's boy Zigzag!" he said in a mocking baby voice.

"I don't care what you say, you can't hur-" But he never got to finish, because he began singing.

**My, my, my music hits me so hard  
Makes me say Oh my Lord  
Thank you for blessing me  
With a mind to rhyme and two hype feet  
It feels good, when you know you're down  
A super dope homeboy from the Oaktown  
And I'm known as such  
And this is a beat, uh, you can't touch**

**I told you homeboy (You can't touch this)  
Yeah, that's how we living and you know (You can't touch this)  
Look at my eyes, man (You can't touch this)  
Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics (You can't touch this**)

Easy started laughing. His tentmates laughed with him. Zigzag looked like he had no clue what was happening, but he didn't really care.

**Fresh new kicks, advance  
You gotta like that, now you know you wanna dance  
So move, outta your seat  
And get a fly girl and catch this beat  
While it's rolling, hold on  
Pump a little bit and let 'em know it's going on  
Like that, like that  
Cold on a mission so fall them back  
Let 'em know, that you're too much  
And this is a beat, uh, you can't touch**

**Yo, I told you (You can't touch this)  
Why you standing there, man? (You can't touch this)  
Yo, sound the bell, school is in, sucka (You can't touch this)**

Easy was hysteric with laughter. Squid and Magnet were cheering, yelling "Go Ziggy!" Zigzag really had no idea what was happening. It was like he was being used as a dummy for a ventriloquist.

**Give me a song, or rhythm  
Make 'em sweat, that's what I'm giving 'em  
Now, they know  
You talking about the Hammer you talking about a show**

**That's hype, and tight  
Singers are sweating so pass them a wipe  
Or a tape, to learn  
What's it gonna take in the 90's to burn  
The charts? Legit  
Either work hard or you might as well quit**

**That's word because you know... **

You can't touch this

Break it down!

**Stop, Hammer time!**

Now Zigzag was really confused. But he really didn't care anymore. His mother always said no one could hurt him unless he let them, and they couldn't, dammit! No one _could_ touch him.

**Go with the funk, it is said  
That if you can't groove to this then you probably are dead  
So wave your hands in the air  
Bust a few moves, fun your fingers through your hair  
This is it, for a winner  
Dance to this and you're gonna get thinner  
Move, slide your rump  
Just for a minute let's all do the bump, bump, bump**

**Yeah... (You can't touch this)  
Look, man (You can't touch this)  
You better get hype, boy, because you know (You can't touch this)  
Ring the bell, school's back in (You can't touch this) touch this**)

The rest of D-Tent was now clapping and cheering on Zigzag. Even Zero had a smile on his face.

**Break it down! **

**Stop, Hammer time! **

You can't touch this

Break it down

**Stop, Hammer time! **

Every time you see me  
The Hammer's just so hype  
I'm dope on the floor and I'm magic on the mic  
Now why would I ever stop doing this?  
With others making records that just don't hit  
I've toured around the world, from London to the Bay  
It's Hammer, go Hammer, MC Hammer, yo Hammer  
**And the rest can go and play **

You can't touch this...

Easy was rolling on the ground with tears in his eyes. "Man, dude," he said. "You are craaaa-zy," The dinner bell rang, and he left.

"Dude, that was awesome!" X-Ray said, patting Zigzag on the back. "No one has ever stood up to Easy like that!"

Zigzag beamed. He didn't know what happened, and figured an alien tapped into his brain. Maybe not all aliens were evil...

-

"It's time to go to bed," Magnet said after dinner when they were getting ready for bed.

"Yes, it is, Captain Obvious," said X-Ray. "Why state the obvious?"

Magnet shrugged. "I don't have anything else to say."

The boys climbed into bed, preparing themselves for another long day of digging.

-

Armpit woke up. HE had just had a nightmare. A bad nightmare. A nightmare that actually happened...

_Flashback..._

"_Chantal!" _

"_Hey Theodore. Listen-"_

"_What's up Chantal? I haven't seen you at school all day!"_

"_Nothing much, Theodore. I have some-"_

"_Did you get the answer to number 15b on the math homework?"_

"_What? Oh, I didn't do math yet, I'm still doing history. Listen Theodore, I have to tell you something important."_

"_Okay baby, shoot!"_

"_Well...I really like you Theodore...and it's really hard for me to say this...but I cheated on you. At first, it was a one-time thing and it just kept getting more intense."_

"_Ch...cheated? W...with who?"_

"_Rob. Rob Lowe, he's in my history class. I'm so sorry Theodore, I never meant for this to happen. Are you okay?"_

_Okay? He wasn't okay! The girl he loved had just cheated on him! He was outraged, but he couldn't say anything. No one had to know._

"_Yeah, baby, I'm okay."_

"_I'm really sorry Theodore. I hope we can be friends. Bye,"_

"_Bye," he said, and hung up the phone. He had just told Chantal he was okay, when she had just torn his heart into tiny little bite sized pieces. But there was no one he could tell. He would just be okay._

_Downstairs, his parents were yelling again. This time it was over who was supposed to wash the dishes. His parents yelled an awful lot lately over the littlest things._

"_Theodore?" his mom said a few hours later, popping her head through the doorway. "Can I come in?"_

_He let her in, and she sat on his bed._

"_Sweetie...your father and I have decided to separate. We both love you very much, but feel different after many years. Are you okay?"_

_Okay again? No, he wasn't okay! He was furious at Chantal for cheating, and he was so upset that his parents were getting divorced. He just couldn't let out the emotions though._

"_Yeah. I suppose I'm okay."_

_His mom hugged him. "I'm very sorry, Theodore," she said. As long as you're okay._

_End Flashback._

Everyone thought he was okay. Everyone thought he was a happy kid. No one knew the whole truth. He was sent to Camp Green Lake a few months later when he just lost it, and started fighting with Rob Lowe, Chantal's boyfriend.

"There you go Mom, Chantal, everyone," he whispered, eating a mint. "I'm not okay."

**Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.  
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.  
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,  
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor? **

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
You wear me out

Zero woke up grumpily. _Another _singing spasm interrupting his few hours of sleep. Armpit didn't seem to notice and kept singing.

**What will it take to show you** **that it's not the life it seems?  
(I'm not okay)  
I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what they mean  
(I'm not okay)  
So be a joke and look, another line without a hook  
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!**

**I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
You wear me out**

Magnet, X-Ray, and Squid woke up. "Pit, wait till the morning," Squid mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

**Forget about the dirty looks  
The photographs your boyfriend took  
You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed **

I'm okay  
I'm okay!  
I'm okay, now  
(I'm okay, now)

Now Stanley was awake, and the rest of the boys were staring at Armpit. Armpit was rarely serious. What was going on?

**But you really need to listen to me  
Because I'm telling you the truth  
I mean this, I'm okay!  
(Trust Me) **

I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
Well, I'm not okay  
I'm not o-fcking-kay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
(Okay)

The boys stared at Armpit. He felt himself getting hot. ""Um...let's get to sleep," he said. "We have a long digging day ahead of us."

The boys went to sleep, but they all had the same question in their heads. _What is going on? Why is everyone...singing?"_

-

Yay! All done with Chapter 6! I'm sorry I haven't been updating in a while, but I'm very busy! Have fun at the super bowl everybody!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the song U Can't Touch This by MC Hammer or I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance. Good songs.

I'm taking a poll! Who is your favorite D-Tent boy! Mine is Zigzag, then Zero. Zero is so cute with his fluffy hair!

I need help. I need a funny song for X-Ray and Stanley. Please help, you can email me or review, whatever.

_**R**_

_**E**_

_**V**_

_**I**_

_**E**_

_**W**_


	7. Insert creative chapter title here!

**Author's notes: **Guess who's back...back again...I am back...tell a friend...yesss...Eminem is pretty cool. Well, this isn't a new chapter-I re-wrote chapter seven. I guess I was in a strange mood because the songs didn't really match with the people. I love those songs nearly and dearly, but I just didn't like the chapter. I guess you guys didn't either because I got like three reviews. I kept the opening thought, because I liked that part.

**The New (and improved!) Chapter 7:**

**

* * *

**

"Hey, Mom?"

" Yes, Jose?"

"Magnet."

" Jose."

"Fine, whatever. You said there's no such thing as a stupid question, right?"

"That's correct, Jose."

"Magnet."

"It says Jose on your birth certificate, so-"

"Yeah, yeah yeah. Well, you said there's no such thing as a stupid question. So which really came first: the chicken, or the egg?"

Mr. Pendanski stuttered. "Well...um, uh-"

"Yeah," Armpit broke in. "And if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it really make a sound?"

"Well, um-"

"Any why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?" Squid added.

"Uhh-"

"How come round pizzas are sold in square boxes?" X-Ray asked, smiling.

"You see-"

"Why is it that when an adult has multiple personalities, they're schizophrenic, but when a kid has imaginary friends they're cute?" Zigzag questioned.

"How come, 364 days a year, parents tell children not to take candy from strangers, but on Halloween it's encouraged?"

"If you're name was Mr. Crunch and you joined the navy, could you eventually be called Captain Crunch?"

"Why do people call it an ATM machine, if they're really saying Automated Teller Machine Machine?"

"If CD's were played in the opposite direction, would they play backwards?"

Mr. Pendanski was stuttering. "Well, um, really-"

Stanley smiled. "Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical questions?"

"All right boys, I think that's enough. Go out and dig your holes," Mr. Pendanski said. The boys laughed and walked to their holes.

* * *

It was an aggressively hot day. Lunch had stopped by an hour ago, and the boys were hard at work. The air was quiet, except for the clacking and scraping of shovels against dirt and rocks. It was almost peaceful, Stanley thought.

Almost.

"Ow!" ZigZag screamed, smashing the silence with a brick of self-control (A/N-tell me what song that's from and I'll give you a cookie!).

"What happened?" Armpit asked.

"I stabbed my foot with the shovel. Owwww, it hurts," ZigZag hissed.

Everyone scrambled to get a look. Blood was slowly creeping through ZigZag's shoe, turning the dusty, once-white shoe red. Stanley gagged. He hated the sight of other peoples blood...hated it.

"Here," Magnet commanded. "Put your foot up." ZigZag propped his foot on a nearby rock. "Lie down." Magnet instructed. ZigZag obeyed.

Magnet gingerly took of ZigZag's shoe. He ripped a small strip of orange from the pant of his jumpsuit. Carefully, he wrapped it around the gash in ZigZag's foot. It bled through a little, but then died down until there was just a spot of dark red on the orange.

"Thanks," ZigZag said, surprised. He had never known Magnet could wrap people's wounds. Apparently, neither did anyone else.

"Hey Magnet, I didn't know you could wrap other people's wounds," Squid said.

Magnet shrugged. "It happened to my dog. I guess I've still got the touch."

"Your dog dropped a shovel on his foot?" X-Ray joked.

"No," Magnet scoffed. "He stepped on a piece of glass." Stanley's guts lurched inside of him. "I wrapped his foot like that to fix it. I figured, if I could do it on a dog with ADHD, I could do it on a human."

Everyone laughed except Magnet. His face turned paler, and he almost looked like he was going to cry.

"Magnet?" Stanley asked.

"Look," he said quickly. "I don't like talking about him. He...he had to be taken away. He was like...my only friend. I don't like thinking about him." He fished around in his pockets for a minute, and then pulled out a mint.

"I don't the feeling of not being with him, okay?" Magnet asked somewhat angrily, even though nobody had asked. "I-"

**Empty **

**Spaces  
Fill me up with holes  
Distant  
Faces  
With no place left to go**

**Without you  
Within me  
I can't find no rest  
Where I'm  
Going  
Is anybody's guess**

"Oh my God," Armpit groaned. "More singing?" Magnet didn't seem to notice.

**I try  
To go on like I never knew you  
I'm awake  
But my world is half asleep  
I pray  
For this heart to be unbroken  
But without you all I'm going to be is...  
Incomplete**

"You okay?" X-Ray asked tentatively. The last thing they needed was for Magnet to start crying.

**Voices  
Tell me  
I should carry on  
But I am  
Swimming  
In an ocean all alone**

**Baby, my baby  
It's written on your face  
You still  
Wonder  
If we made a big mistake**

Squid rolled his eyes subtlety. Sure, it was one thing to love your pets, but this was being a bit carried away. Of course, he wasn't exactly the one to talk to-he never had a pet.

**I try  
To go on like I never knew you  
I'm awake  
But my world is half asleep  
I pray  
For this heart to be unbroken  
But without you all I'm going to be is...  
Incomplete**

**I don't mean to drag it on  
But I can't seem to let you go  
I don't wanna make you face this world alone...  
I wanna let you go**

**I try  
to go on like I never knew you  
I'm awake  
but my world is half asleep  
I pray  
for this heart to be unbroken  
but without you all I'm going to be is...  
Incomplete **

Incomplete

When Magnet was done, everyone stood around silently, shuffling their feet. No one said anything. All of a sudden Magnet spoke.

"Do me a favor?" he said. Everyone nodded.

"If I ever do that again, slap me," he said, a smile spreading across his face.

"Gladly," Squid said, and everyone resumed their digging.

* * *

X-Ray sat on the rec room couch. He was about as comfortable as you can get on that beat up couch. It was a typical Camp Green Lake day. Squid was playing pool and trying to hustle shower tokens. Armpit came to play, but Squid didn't want to hustle shower tokens from Armpit. He needed them the most.

ZigZag was sitting in front of X-Ray on the floor, "watching" the TV. No one, not even Easy said anything to him.

Magnet was playing bottle pin bowling in the corner. Stanley snuck up discretely with a letter, kissed it, and stuck it in the mailbox. He went over to the corner near Zero. The two talked quietly.

Yep. It was average, everyday, normal. Nothing new. Same old, same old.

X-Ray was insanely bored. Normally, he would have joined Magnet at bowling or played pool. Maybe someone would be fighting and X-Ray would be the peacemaker. However, today, he just didn't feel like it.

Yes, there was no denying it. He was bored senseless. If there were a medal for boredom, he'd win it in a flash. At Camp Green Lake, boredom was extreme boredom. At home, he could at least watch TV or call a friend. Out here, there was nothing.

Silently, X-Ray ate a mint. Then the bass came in-dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.

**I sit around and watch the tube but nothing's on**

**I change the channels for an hour or two**

**Twiddle my thumbs just for a bit**

**I'm sick of all the same old shit**

**In a house with unlocked doors**

**And I'm fcking lazy**

Everyone had turned to watch X-Ray. Suddenly, he had jumped up on to the coffee table in front of him, air guitaring and thrashing his head so that if he had floppy, sexy rock star hair it would flail everywhere.

**Bite my lip and close my eyes**

**Take me away to paradise**

**I'm so damn bored I'm going blind!**

**And I smell like shit!**

Slowly, X-Ray hopped back on the couch. He sat there, bobbing his foot to Mike Dirnt rocking out on bass.

**Peel me off this Velcro seat and get me moving**

**I sure as hell can't do it by myself**

**I'm feeling like a dog in heat**

**Barred indoors from the summer street**

**I locked the door to my own cell**

**And I lost the key**

An evil grin spread across X-Ray's face. He jumped violently on the table, and started rocking out air guitar style, biting his lip and closing his eyes for extra effect.

**Bite my lip and close my eyes**

**Take me away to paradise**

**I'm so damn bored I'm going blind!**

**And I smell like shit!**

**I got no motivation**

**Where is my motivation**

**No time for the motivation**

**Smoking my inspiration**

At this, X-Ray went crazy. He hopped of the table like a crazy rock star, and ran around the room doing air guitar. After about 15 seconds, he sat calmly on the couch again.

**I sit around and watch the phone but no one's calling**

**Call me pathetic call me what you will**

**My mother says to get a job**

**But she don't like the one she's got**

**When masturbation's lost its fun**

**You're fcking breaking**

Once again, X-Ray had jumped on the table. He was air guitaring like crazy, and if he had sexy rock star hair, it would be shaking everywhere. If only...

**Bite my lip and close my eyes**

**Take me away to paradise**

**I'm so damn bored I'm going blind**

**And loneliness has to suffice**

**Bite my lip and close my eyes**

**I'm slipping away to paradise**

**Some say "Quit or I'll go blind"**

**But it's just a myth**

As if nothing had ever happened, X-Ray sat on couch. He calmly bobbed his foot while Billie Joe Armstrong faded with the guitar. _"Do do do doooo. Do do do doooo_," he sang under his breath

"That was pretty freaking cool, X-Ray," Squid finally said. "But I really don't want to know what's up with the masturbation part, 'kay?"

"I didn't write the song," X-Ray said, throwing a couch cushion at him.

"You sang it though," Armpit said. "So it must be true."

"Shut up. Is not." X-Ray said.

* * *

"Stanley, if it's not the mints, I don't know what it is!" Zero said. He was clearly frustrated.

"Then it's nothing. Come on Zero, not even a genius can make a chemical that makes you sing. That kind of stuff only happens in things like Harry Potter books."

"Harry Potter?" Zero asked, raising his eyebrows.

"He's a...never mind," Stanley said. "The point is, it's not possible. Besides, even if it was, which its not, you'd need some kind of genius. There are no geniuses at Camp Green Lake."

"What about Frizzle?" Zero said. "After all, he made them. How do we know he didn't put in some kind of chemical?"

"We know because it's _not_ _possible_," Stanley said firmly. "Look, I know you never really went to school, but trust me-it's physically impossible. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Zero said glumly. Stanley had a point-he was the one who went to school. Zero knew he'd have to prove it was Frizzle on his own. It had to be him-he just knew it.

* * *

Dun dun dun! I'm leaving you in suspense...kind of. Muahahahaha. Now that I've laughed evilly, you're in suspense.

I like this chapter much better now. I love both of those songs so much! Backstreet Boys and Green Day are the best! Longview is like the coolest songs ever, because it's totally awesome and Mike is rocking our on bass and Tre is like hardcore on drums! It's kickass! I love Tre...he is my favorite human! He's so funny...and he went to clown college! How cool is that! That's why he can do all those cool things like climbing that big ball in Universal Studios. How awesome is that!

**Disclaimer: **Unfortunately, I don't own Holes, Green Day, or Backstreet Boys. I love Backstreet Boys! Just because someone mainly listens to punk and alternative doesn't mean they can't love the Backstreet Boys...

Remember, if you know what song the line "to smash the silence with a brick of self control" comes from, I'll give you a biiiiiig cookie! I don't know about you, but I think cookies are pretty damn good!

Well, you know the deal kiddies-review!


	8. Pieces of Ice

**Author's Notes: **Hello my darlings! Well, it's nearly midnight on a Tuesday (actually, it's nearly Wednesday) and here I am, sitting in the darkness of my computer room, typing these very words for your precious eyes. Why, you may ask? Well, I had...a creative surge of energy, to put it in words and felt like updating. Being unable to attain possession of the computer throughout the course of the day, and then being kicked off my ever-so-loving father, I have no choice but to sit in the darkness, illuminated by the light of the computer, listening to Billie Joe Armstrong singing "TROUBLED TIIIIIIIMES, YOU KNOW I CANNOT LIIIIIIIIIIE, I'M OFF THE WAGON AND I'M HIIIITCHIIIIIN A RIIIIIDE!"

Well. That was long and I'm sure you found it amusing. Thank you ever so much for my dear reviewers, even though there was much less of you than usual. Did everyone else faithfully reviewing my story unexpectedly die or something?

Oh, obviously none of you are big Green Day fans, considering nobody knew that "to smash the silence with the brick of self control" came from the song "She". ARE YOU LOCKED UP IN A WORLD THAT'S BEEEEEEEN PLANNED OUT FOR YOU! ARE YOU FEELING LIKE A SOCIAL TOOOOL WITHOUT A UUUSE! SCREAM AT ME UNTIL MY EEARS BLEED! I'M TAKIN' HEED JUST FOR YOUUUUU! That song seriously has like the best chorus ever.

**Chapter Numero Ocho**

---

"I think that was the worst breakfast I've ever eaten in my entire life."

"That's what you said a couple weeks ago about the, erm, "pancakes", Pit."

"No. This surely tops it. I really didn't think there could be anything worse to eat."

"Ah, shut up, Pit. You know you'll eat anything."

"I'll eat it but I won't necessarily _like_ it," Armpit snapped as the boys headed out towards their holes. "Now my soul is depressed."

The boys howled with laughter. Even Zero cracked a smile.

"Your soul is depressed?" Magnet gasped through fits of laughter.

"Uh huh," Armpit replied. "See, one time I was reading this self-help book, and it said something like terrible food or music could depress your soul, where you may not be depressed on the outside, but your inner workings are emotionally wounded."

This just set off more laughter, but Armpit continued. "There's a good way to relieve it, though. Uplifting music helps. So, sing me something uplifting."

After the laughter had died down, Zigzag replied. "Okay," he said. "I know exactly what'll help."

"The sun'll come ouuut...tomorooooow! Bet your bottom dollarrrr that tomorowwwwww! They'll be sunnnnnn! Take it, X!"

"Just thinking abouuuuut! Tomorrow! Clears away the cobwebs and the sorroooooooow! Go, Magnet!"

"Till there's noooooone," Magnet continued. "Everybody!"

"When I'm stuck with a daaaaaaaay! That's graaaaaay! And loooone-lyyy! I just stick out my chiiiiiin! And griiiiin! And saaaaaaaay!" everyone aside from Zero and Armpit belted.

"TOOOOOO-MORROW, TOMORROW, I LOVE YA, TOMORROW, YOU'RE ALWAYS A DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" The boys finished dramatically.

"What did ya think, Pit?" X-Ray asked.

"I think y'all just killed my ears, that's what I think," Armpit said laughing. By this time, even Zero was smiling.

---

Unfortunately, as the day wore on, the euphoria of the singing had faded. Like all days at Camp Green Lake, it was extremely hot out.

However, this was extremer than extreme heat. It was the kind of day you sat around in front of the air conditioning in your underwear because it was too hot and humid to step foot outside. It was the kind of day where it was so hot; you were sweating off calories just lifting the TV remote. It was so hot that all you could stand to heat were ice pops, and even though you had to wolf them down so they didn't melt in a sticky mess all over your hands. It was like everyone and everything was in slow motion and it the heat waves made figures look blurry.

Those kinds of days were extreme in regular places. But add about twenty degrees, fifty percent humidity, no air conditioning or ice pops, and a five-foot hole, and you have Stanley's predicament.

Luckily, the Warden knew she couldn't have campers passing out. Every boy was shirtless, and his pant legs were rolled up. The water truck stopped by more frequently; Pendanski even gave the boys some sun block for their faces.

Of course, they acted like they didn't want any to his face, but they were secretly thankful. Not even juvenile delinquents want a painful, lobster colored face (which may result in odd tan lines later).

"Ugh," Squid moaned. "It's-so-HOT!" Squid moaned.

"Don't talk," X-Ray whispered hoarsely. His face was shiny with sweat, and his nose was so slippery, his glasses kept falling down. "Save your breath."

"I feel like I'm in an oven," Magnet complained, ignoring X-Ray's advice.

Armpit swore loudly, as if swearing at the heat would scare it away.

"What did we do to make Mother Nature so mad?" Zigzag wondered aloud. "Why does she hate us so?"

Stanley felt something start to turn gooey in his pocket. He felt around for a while, and pulled out a chocolate mint. Even Frizzle's formula can't stand the heat, he thought and ate it.

"Try not to think of the heat," Stanley gasped. "Think of ice cream. Think of an igloo. Think of...uh, penguins. Think of...ice," he said. And that's when it began.

**Ice Ice Baby  
Ice Ice Baby**

**All right stop  
Collaborate and listen  
Ice is back with my brand new invention  
Something grabs a hold of me tightly  
Then I flow that a harpoon daily and nightly  
Will it ever stop?  
Yo—I don't know  
Turn off the lights and I'll glow  
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal**

**Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle. **

**Dance   
Bum rush the speaker that booms  
I'm killin your brain like a poisonous mushroom  
Deadly, when I play a dope melody  
Anything less that the best is a felony  
Love it or leave it  
You better gain way  
You better hit bull's eye  
The kid I play  
If there was a problem  
Yo, I'll solve it  
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it**

**Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)**

**Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)**

**Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)**

**Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)**

**  
**Everyone's minds seemed to be off of the heat for a little bit, considering all eyes were on Stanley and they were staring at him intensely.

**Now that the party is jumping   
With the bass kicked in, the Vegas are pumpin'  
Quick to the point, to the point no faking  
I'm cooking MC's like a pound of bacon  
Burning them if they're not quick and nimble  
I go crazy when I hear a cymbal  
And a hi hat with a souped up tempo  
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo  
Rollin in my 5.0  
With my ragtop down so my hair can blow  
The girlies on standby  
Waving just to say HI  
Did you stop?**

**No--I just drove by  
Kept on pursuing to the next stop  
I busted a left and I'm heading to the next block  
That block was dead**

**Yo--so I continued to A1A Beachfront Ave.  
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis  
Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis  
Jealous 'cause I'm out getting mine  
Shay with a guage and Vanilla with a nine  
Reading for the chumps on the wall  
The Chumps are acting ill because they're so full of eight balls  
Gunshots ranged out like a bell  
I grabbed my nine--  
All I heard were shells   
Fallin on the concrete real fast  
Jumped in my car, slammed on the gas**

**Bumper to bumper the avenue's packed  
I'm tryin' to get away before the jackers jacke  
Police on the scene  
You know what I mean  
They passed me up, confronted all the dope fiends  
If there was a problem  
Yo, I'll solve it  
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it**

**Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)**

**Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)**

**Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)**

**Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)**

**Take heed, 'cause I'm a lyrical poet  
Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it  
My town, that created all the bass sound   
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground  
'Cause my style's like a chemical spill  
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel  
Conducted and formed  
This is a hell of a concept  
We make it hype and you want to step with this  
Shay plays on the fade, slice it like a ninja  
Cut like a razor blade so fast  
Other DJ's say, "Damn"  
If my rhyme was a drug  
I'd sell it by the gram  
Keep my composure when it's time to get loose   
Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice  
If there was a problem  
Yo--I'll solve it!  
Check out the hook while Deshay revolves it.**

Stanley couldn't tell if the smiles on everyone's faces were because they had their minds off the heat or because Stanley sounded like a complete idiot. Probably the latter, but hey, it never hurt to dream.

**Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)**

**Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)**

**Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)**

**Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla)**

**Yo man--let's get out of here!  
Word to your mother!**

Ice Ice baby (Too Cold)  
Ice Ice baby (Too Cold Too cold)

**Ice Ice baby (Too Cold)  
Ice Ice baby (Too Cold Too cold)**

**Ice Ice baby (Too Cold)  
Ice Ice baby (Too Cold Too cold)**

"Well, that worked," Magnet said. "I can definitely say I wasn't thinking about the heat during that."

Everyone laughed and continued sweating and digging. But mostly sweating.

----

It was of course, a relief to finish the hole for today, and absolute heaven for four minutes, but then, everyone was just stuck in the wreck room. It was just too hot to do anything. NO one was really playing pool. No one played bottle bowling. No one was even fighting.

"Hey," Thlump said lazily to some other kid. "Get out of my way." It was a lazy attempt to sound tough, but everyone knew it was just too scorching to bother.

"Ok," the boy replied, moving slightly faster than a slug out of Thlump's way. Thlump shrugged and sat on a nearby chair.

At this time, Pendanski thought this would be the perfect time to call for D-Tent.

"Since none of you appear to be engaged in any particular activity, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to have a little bonding meeting!" Pendanski glanced around at the faces, expecting them to be excited. What he just were looks of exhaustion, skeptism, and disgust.

"So...would anybody like to rant about anything?" Pendanski asked. "What's on your mind?"

Nobody answered, so Pendanski continued on his own.

"Zero," he said. "You are always quiet. What's on your mind?"

Zero said nothing.

"What bothers you the most?"

Zero merely glared at Pendanski.

"Anything you really hate?"

Nothing again.

"No? Nothing you can't stand? Nothing you wish people knew about you?"

Zero just chomped angrily on a mint.

"Fine, who's next? How bout you, -"

But Pendanski was interrupted by yes, a song.

**I tried to be perfect;  
But nothing was worth it;  
I don't believe it makes me real.  
I thought it'd be easy;  
But no one believes me,  
I meant all the things I said**.

**If you believe it's in my soul;  
I'd say all the words that I know,   
Just to see if it would show,  
That I'm trying to let you know,  
That I'm better off on my own**.

Everyone certainly looked shocked. Zero had never been so personal, or said so much at one time.

**This place is so empty;  
My thoughts are so tempting,  
I don't know how it got so bad.   
Sometimes it's so crazy;  
That nothing can save me,**

**But it's the only thing that I have.**

If you believe it's in my soul;   
I'd say all the words that I know,  
Just to see if it would show,  
That I'm trying to let you know,  
That I'm better off on my own.

Zero knew what he was doing. He didn't need anybody. He had survived without talking to anyone for years. Stanley was a great friend. But he didn't need anyone else. Zero just doesn't operate that way.

**I tried to be perfect;  
It just wasn't worth it,  
Nothing could ever be so wrong.  
It's hard to believe me,  
It never gets easy,  
I guess I knew that all along.**

If you believe it's in my soul;  
I'd say all the words that I know,  
Just to see if it would show,  
That I'm trying to let you know,  
That I'm better off on my own.

----

"I didn't know you could do that, man," Stanley said to Zero after some pile of mush called "dinner."

"Stanley, I wouldn't have done that normally. You know that," Zero said seriously.

"Well-" Stanley said, then hesitated. He agreed that normally Zero wouldn't have done such behavior, but knew where Zero was heading.

"It was the heat." Stanley settled. "Heat can make you do strange things." So it wasn't the best excuse, but he didn't even want to go into Zero's mint theory.

"Ugh!" Zero said, not even wanting to argue.

"Goodnight," Stanley said firmly, and fell asleep as soon as his head touched the warm pillow.

----

There you have it. Chapter 8. It's now 1:30, and I'm too tired to think of anything witty or amusing to write.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice, Pieces by Sum 41, or Holes by Louis Sachar. I love Ice Ice Baby. The nineties are the coolest decade ever.

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